Setting boundaries between your wife and your relatives is crucial to ensure a continued, smooth relationship between both sides. Failure to do this is tantamount to setting aflame your marriage. You may end up becoming an enemy of both your wife and your relatives.

You may be wondering, why should I set boundaries between my wife and my family? Before going into that, it is important to understand what setting boundaries really means when it comes to marriage. 

Setting boundaries in marriage involves making sure that your wife does not disrespect your relatives before or behind you and that your relatives too do not disrespect your wife. In what ways can your wife disrespect your relatives? I once heard of a situation where a woman’s mother-in-law came visiting and the wife stood her out and would not allow her entrance with the excuse that she didn’t pre-inform them of her coming.  Let’s flip the coin to the other side. Would this same wife turn her own mother away if she came calling without prior notice? I don’t think so. 

Likewise, you need to make it a point of duty for your relatives not to disrespect your wife to the point that she is treated worse than a slave in your own house or the case where your relatives determine what happens in your marriage. There is no crime if your mother comes visiting. However, she should not dictate what happens in your home. If you allow this to go unchecked, you ‘re setting up your marriage for problems.

Settling Boundaries 

Now that you are a married man, there must be a limit to your family’s interference in your marriage and vice versa. Don’t allow your relatives to determine what goes on in your marriage. Let each side know what they can and cannot do in your marriage.

1. Don’t seek approval 

While this may seem nebulous, It is imperative that you apply wisdom. There are instances where you will need to seek approval from your wife before you take some actions in your extended family. However, this should not be in all cases. On the other hand, seeking approval from your relatives –say your mother before doing what is your prerogative as a husband and father to your family will make you look weak and immature.

2. Communicate with clarity 

Don’t make it a habit to act on impulse to whatever your wife tells you about your relatives that are not too good and or vice versa. For every issue, there is always a best method to communicate your displeasure to either your wife or to your relatives. Do not react without thinking properly about what you have heard. The bottom line is to communicate to either party with clarity.

3. Don’t talk down to your wife before your relatives

You must understand that your wife comes first before your relatives. Afterall, you left your parents to bring in another man’s daughter. Secondly, there are no perfect relationships and so, don’t expect the relationship between your wife and your relatives to be as smooth as the skin of a day-old baby. More often than not, there will be ruffling of shoulders between both sides. So, correcting your wife in the presence of your relatives will make her look cheap and it will send the wrong signal.

4. Don’t give room for competition 

Do not allow competition between your wife and your relatives. This will create tension that will put a strain on both parties as each one will want to win your approval against the other. You shouldn’t allow this to happen. The best thing is to make each party see itself as part of the greater picture—family. 

Relationships with relatives in relation with your wife can be pleasant or otherwise, depending on how you set boundaries between both. Make both your wife and your relatives should see themselves as part of one big  family.

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