Bonding with your stepson may not be as easy as it sounds. You’re not a stranger to his mum, but certainly, you’re to him. You may have succeeded in winning her love, you even married her. There is a bigger fence you need to scale, which is bonding with her son. 

One of the most difficult tasks of being with a single mom is that of becoming friends with her stepson or sons. The death or absence of his dad may have created a wide gap that would be very difficult to fill. There would be jealousy that you’re trying to take his father’s place. That is a sacred spot you cannot just take easily at the snap of your fingers, it takes cautious and deliberate steps. So, in this article, I will be exploring how you can bond with your stepson.

• Try to understand him

Bonding with your stepson will require you to understand him. What are his struggles? What is he afraid of? What are those things that easily piss him off? You will find answers to these questions and many more when you take the time to fully understudy your stepson.

• Respect his boundaries 

That his mom has introduced you as his new dad will not automatically make you feel welcome. Give him time to digest this new information. While this is ongoing, you’ll need to respect his boundaries. Don’t intrude on his privacy. Don’t force yourself on him by trying to read him bedtime stories to bond with him. Allow him the pleasure of being the leader in his own little world.

• Find Common Interest 

If you’re observant, you will notice a shared passion between you and your stepson. It could be a love for basketball or rugby or a love for reading. If this is the case, you can together discuss a new book. When he notices that you share the same passion with him, he can let down his defense to allow you in.

• Be his mom’s friend

Children often hold deep respect for men who treat their mom right. If your love for his mom is intentional, deep and mutual, this could rub off on him. When he sees that her mom is happy, and it is solely because of you, he will see you as a friend, and not a threat; a role model, and he will unconsciously call you dad. 

• Support his interests 

One way to bond with your stepson is to support his interests or passion. A child whose interest is applauded by a stepdad is likely to get better at it and also show off his stepdad to his friend as his own dad. You unintentionally become his hero.

• Be his friend 

Friendship is not something forced, it has to be earned. Don’t force friendship down his throat. Allow him to see you as a friend by presenting yourself as one. Not as an opportunist trying to play a fast one on his mom. You must be someone whose interest in his mom is deep.

• Try solo outing

Bonding doesn’t start in isolation. If you want to bond with someone, especially a child, you need to spend time with that child. If you must succeed in bonding with your stepson, you’ll need to make adequate time available for him. You can plan a solo trip with him with approval from his mom. Both of you can take a trip to a place that would be of interest to him. When he is enjoying what he loves, friendship with him becomes easy.

Bonding with your stepson requires a deliberate effort. It is a bramble path that must be thread carefully in order not to suffer injuries. Understanding your stepson is a good way to bond with him. Show interest in the things he loves and support his passion. When you do these things, you’ll definitely become his friend.

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