Spousal Abuse occurs when one spouse in the marriage uses physical and non physical means to control and instill fear in their partner. Spousal abuse isn’t just a relationship issue, it is equally a crime. 

In this article, my focus will be on spousal abuse against men by women, causes and solutions. 

According to Statistics on Male Victims of Domestic Abuse, an article published by Mankind Initiative, it was noted that 1 in 3 victims of spousal abuse are men. This brings the total number of abused men to 751,000, that is 3.2%. From this, 483,000 men are victims of partner abuse. It was also estimated that one in seven men 13.9% will be victims of partner abuse in their lifetime. 

Generally speaking, abuse could range from physical, emotional, verbal, modern slavery, domestic violence, sexual, financial or material, organizational or institutional, self neglect, acts of commission abuse, and the list is endless. Let’s take a look at the causes of abuse.

Causes of Abuse

Two individuals in a marriage union (man and wife) have different upbringing which at times can pose escalated tension if not properly managed, and which can also bring about one form of abuse or the other. Women suffer spousal abuse more than men, however, it is paramount to establish how men suffer spousal abuse.

1. Jealousy 

An overly jealous wife or woman can abuse her partner both physically or verbally especially when she suspects him of having an affair with another woman. This is even made worse if she is the breadwinner of the home. She can stop at nothing to inflict physical injuries on her husband. A case in point was an incident that appeared on PUNCH Metro, a Newspaper in Nigeria, dated 25th December, 2023 of a wife (Dorcas Oluwabukola) who poured hot water on her husband on suspicions of infidelity. 

2. Mockery of Sexual Performances 

A man’s sexual virility can be called into question by the wife when she continually mocks him by calling him a ‘one minute‘ husband both in private and in public or comparing her ex’s supposed sexual prowess to her husband’s. This verbal attack can affect the psyche of a man, making him feel useless and even worthless. If this persists, a man may end his life by trying to ‘save his shame’ or even end up killing his wife.

3. Preventing Access to Children 

A man can also suffer spousal abuse when the wife prevents him from having access to his child/children especially when they are going through a divorce or just divorced. Many men have complained bitterly about not having access to their children because the wife is preventing such from happening and disobeying court orders. She may even poison the children’s mind against their father who will be at the receiving end of hostile behaviour from his children.

4. Paternity Threat

A man can suffer spousal abuse if the wife constantly says that the children are not her husband’s, probably because they are constantly having altercations in their marriage. This may be to make her husband feel bad even though the children are actually the husband’s.

5. Isolation from Friends and Families 

It was alleged that the untimely death of Saint Obi (Obinna Nwafor), was attributed to the wife’s controlling behaviour of isolating him from associating with friends and family when their marriage was embroiled in a divorce.

6. Fighting Back Abuse

Another spousal abuse on a man could be occasioned by a woman fighting back years of being abused by the same man. An American wife, Lorena Bobbitt in 1993 severed her husband’s (John Wayne Bobbitt) penis when he was sleeping. She accused her husband of rape and abuse for years. During the court hearing she also said that: “He always have orgasm [sic] and he doesn’t wait for me ever to have orgasm. He is selfish”.

Having established how men suffer spousal abuse, let’s now look at preventive measures that should be taken to avoid this.

Solutions 

Spousal abuse doesn’t usually start in the marriage. There must have been subtle indicators while both were courting but which the unsuspecting man waved off without giving it any serious thought. Detecting this earlier enough would save a man a lifetime of regrets. So, if you are in a courtship or thinking of marrying that lady or already married to that lady, below are preventive measures to take against spousal abuse.

1. Speak Out 

It is somewhat shameful for a man to open up that he is a victim of or has been suffering spousal abuse. These men feel that they will suffer social stigma from their fellow men who will call their masculinity to question. Hence, many men prefer to suffer in silence than to speak out.

2. Report to the Police 

It is better to be laughed at for reporting spousal abuse against you and still be alive than to keep mute and suffer endlessly or even be at the risk of death. 

3. Go for Counseling 

If you are a victim of spousal abuse, don’t wait until an irreparable damage is done to your person, go for counseling so as to find the best approach to overcome the situation.

Conclusion 

Spousal abuse is not something to be endured. Doing so is tantamount to keeping a venomous snake as a pet. The end result is better imagined than experienced. The best and safest preventative measure is to check for red flags during courtship when you notice any form of abuse from your partner continuously. That could be the sign you need to quit the relationship before it develops into a marriage. 

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