
Going through a divorce can be devastating and co-parenting your child or children with your ex-wife whom you may still have deep resentments towards, may prove very difficult to do. Co-parenting is easier said than done. Bearing this in mind, you must realize that the problem in your marriage is between you and your ex, and it should have nothing to do with your children. Most times, this is not usually the case. When a couple go their separate ways, much of the brunt of that separation is borne by the innocent children. At such times, relocating becomes necessary, changing schools and making adjustments are some of the problems associated with divorce. In this article, I will be sharing ten co-parenting advice for divorced dads.
- Don’t put your children in the middle
You will be tempted to make your children side with you when you indoctrinate them about the faults in their mother that led to the divorce. When you begin to paint a negative picture of your ex in the minds of your children, they will begin to nurse resentment towards her. This attitude will certainly derail every effort towards co-parenting. You should avoid it.
- Put your bitterness aside
You certainly don’t want to see eye to eye with your ex because the painful memories of what went wrong in your marriage will play itself in your mind which will widen the resentment you feel towards her. Nonetheless, you need to put aside your bitterness and focus on making the life of your children better. You must realize that your actions and inactions, and that of your wife’s, has brought disruption into the life of your child/children.
- Cooperate with your ex-wife
This is a bitter pill to swallow and it will seem impossible because of the pain of losing a major part of your earnings or properties to your estranged wife is still fresh in your mind. You must understand however that co-parenting is about minimizing or reducing the devastating impact of your separation on your children. Though that may seem practically impossible.
- Allow your ex-access to your children
Don’t isolate your children from their mother if the court does not give a restraining order regarding that and if being with their mom does not pose any danger to them. You and your ex need to reach an agreement about how your child or children will spend time with both of you so that you don’t miss out on crucial moments in their growing up. Note also that your children need their mum irrespective of what has transpired between both of you.
- Be strong for your children
As much as it is a given that there are no successful divorces, and that divorce will take a toll on both of you. You need to be strong for your children and not give in to depression. Your children still need you in their lives more than ever before.
- Make out time for your children
Don’t relegate your presence in the lives of your children to your ex alone. Part of being there for your children is spending quality time with them. Make your presence count in their lives. Children tend to turn out right when there is a father figure they can look up to in their lives.
- Carry your new wife along
If you are remarried after your divorce, it is important you carry your new wife along with the demands co-parenting requires with your ex. This is important so that there is no room for jealousy or suspicion about getting back with your ex or spending too much time with her.
- Set boundaries
You need to set boundaries between you and your ex if there are still emotional attachments between the two of you. Doing this will forestall adultery if both of you have remarried.
- Give no room for revenge
As much as you have the urge to revenge for what you may have suffered or endured from your ex, it still doesn’t make any sense. Taking revenge on your spouse will not give you the satisfaction you crave but it will only make you miserable.
- Consider reuniting
Some divorce partners come back together again after realizing their mistakes and how much they have missed each other. If this is your experience, it is better to reunite so that the broken bond can be mended and solidified.
Conclusion
Co-parenting will test your patience. It will also make you feel miserable. However, the most important thing you need to understand, and which must be paramount in your mind is the well-being of your children. If you realize how important this is, you will definitely adopt the advice given above.
READ ALSO: 7 Disadvantages Of Long Distance Relationships
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